


The Way the Cookie Crumbles

by geneticTurn



Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Character tags added as they get more than a brief mention by someone else, How did these 15-16y olds get their hands on alcohol? Who knows, Multi, POV Kyle Broflovski, POV Third Person, Stan/Wendy and creek only vaguely mentioned/hinted at so far, Teen rating for underage drinking and the usual SP related cursing, first chapter is just ninety percent exposition, more tags will be added with upcoming chapters, there will be timeskips after chapter 1
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-10-15 05:10:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17522522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geneticTurn/pseuds/geneticTurn
Summary: He doesn’t know where Red’s parents are or how she got her hands on all this alcohol, or why all these fifteen to sixteen year old's are drinking and acting as if they’re in their mid-twenties. But he supposes he can’t really complain since he’s not being forced to drink any. The two liter alcohol free cider bottle he squirreled away and decided to share with Tweek when the blond joined him is more than enough partying for him.





	The Way the Cookie Crumbles

**Author's Note:**

> With my interest in BNHA taking a rapid nosedive I started poking at this story that's lowkey been in the works for a while, instead of writing another part to my BNHA soulmate fic. Sorry to those of you subscribed to me who are waiting for another chapter of that, it won't be coming anytime soon.

Stan presented first in their friend group, shortly after turning fourteen. A bit young, but not the first in their year. Bebe Stevens held that honor; the first to hit puberty and the first to present. Not that her dynamic was a surprise to anyone who knew her, she had been portraying typical Alpha behavior since she was born.  
  
Just like with Bebe, Stan’s dynamic wasn’t a surprise to anyone either. With an Alpha mother and a Beta father, he couldn’t have presented as anything other than a Beta. Even before it was confirmed he was clumped together with other “most likely future Betas”. It had made group projects annoying when all he wanted was to be with his closer friends, but Jimmy and Tweek had at least made it bearable, according to Stan. So when he presented as a Beta, a year or two before the common age, no one batted an eye at his dynamic.  
  
Almost half their year presented the following spring and summer, spearheaded by Wendy Testaburger being confirmed as an Omega. She disappeared from school for a week before returning with more fire than ever before, loudly and strongly proclaiming herself as a proud omega who would not let herself be bullied by any alphas and no one could stop her from pursuing her career goals. She wasted no time founding a school-approved club for omegas who felt insecure and helpless at their school, as a place to feel safe and supported and, most importantly according to Wendy, motivated to prove society wrong about omega stereotypes.  
  
The club gained popularity pretty quickly, especially after Clyde Donovan presented as an omega and joined the club. He claimed to not have any issues with being unsafe, having already cemented his position as a popular jock practically since elementary school, but he wanted to support his fellow omegas and help them any way he could. Plus, he told Kyle after five beers too many, it’s hard to feel unsafe when the majority of your friend group are Alphas.  
  
It was true, while Jimmy had indeed presented as a Beta, surprising absolutely no one due to his parentage, Token and Craig were both Alphas.  
  
As well as Tweek.  
  
Tweek Tweak was a genetic anomaly. Both of his parents were Betas and all the signs and science pointed down that road for Tweek as well. But when the time came and he presented there was no doubt that the blond was one hundred percent an Alpha. Mr. and Mrs. Tweak explained it away as their boy simply being “Very special”, but _some people_ knew better. _Some people_ casually asked their kid brother’s doctor during a checkup if there was anything that could change dynamic biology during pregnancy, and _some people_ got to listen to an explanation on how certain types of drugs can cause severe defects during pregnancy. Even more so if the person has been using drugs since long before getting pregnant.  
  
Tweek already knew the reason behind his dynamic anomaly, obviously. He was even the one to mention it to Kyle first before the ginger could even think about breathing a word about it to the blond, the two of them alone on the front porch during Red’s party, sharing a bottle of alcohol free cider. Bonding over being the only sober ones there.  
  
Tweek didn’t seem to outright hate his parents for completely fucking him over biologically; wrong dynamic, chronic anxiety, addiction to caffeine, involuntary twitches and exclamations. But on the other hand he kept talking about moving to Los Angeles as soon as high school finished, pursuing something art related, and never making any mention of his family in those plans.  
  
Meanwhile, Kenny’s status as an Alpha had been half expected and half a surprise. With Kevin having presented as an Alpha a couple of years prior, it wasn’t that weird that the second McCormick son had followed suit, the genetics obviously allowed it. The surprise came mostly from Kenny himself, after apparently having convinced himself that he was a Beta right up until his body proved him wrong. His reasoning having been along the lines of since they were three siblings they would all get different dynamics, and after Kevin was confirmed as an Alpha Kenny just assumed he’d be a Beta and Karen an Omega.  
  
(In a couple of years it would turn out he at least hadn’t been wrong about Karen.)  
  
Ever since learning about the dynamics in school Cartman had been convinced he was an Alpha, and since the universe has a stupid sense of humor _(here, Tweek made an ugly snort in amusement, almost spilling the cider)_ , he presented as an Alpha right on his 15th birthday. During his own birthday party. Kyle had left pretty soon after, the stench of Proud Alpha being way too much for his oversensitive nose to handle. Unfortunately being unpresented does not mean he doesn't have the heightened senses like everyone else. He can pick up on pheromones around him just as easily as any presented person, and at Cartman's party that had been an absolute curse.  
  
This left Kyle as the only one in their friend group with his dynamic unknown. Not the last one in their year, plenty of others still haven’t presented yet, but at least the last one among his closest friends. Okay no, that’s unfair, Butters was _also_ unpresented and he was definitely closer to Kyle than Cartman was.  
  
“It’s overrated anyway, man.”  
  
Kyle hums and leans back on his elbows, eyes climbing upwards to the partially cloudy night sky.  
  
“Yeah, but I just want it over with, you know?”  
  
“Mmm... I get w-what you mean but _-ngh-_ the pressure of f-f-following your _dynamicsrulesiswaytoomuch -agh-_ ”  
  
In the corner of his eye he sees Tweek pull at the hems of his shirt sleeves. Inside the house behind them someone apparently just found a 90s Hits playlist on Spotify, _I Want It That Way_ being played on max volume while drunk teenagers try to sing along to the best of their intoxicated abilities.  
  
It’s marginally better than when the adults sing country songs after too much wine.  
  
“Aren’t we too young to have a black out drunk party?”  
  
He swears the twitching on Tweek’s face is to stop a smile from forming.  
  
“Aren’t we too young too find m-m-mates too?”  
  
Kyle doesn’t fight it, he lets the grin spread across his face. Tweek definitely isn’t wrong. Underage drinking is illegal, no good stuff, but _god forbid_ you don’t have a partner before turning eighteen.  
  
“Fair enough.”  
  
He doesn’t know where Red’s parents are or how she got her hands on alcohol, or why all these fifteen to sixteen year old's are drinking and acting as if they’re in their mid-twenties. But he supposes he can’t really complain since he’s not being forced to drink any. The two liter alcohol free cider bottle he squirreled away and decided to share with Tweek when the blond joined him is more than enough partying for him.  
  
“Whyareyoueven _-ngh-_ here, Kyle? You don’t party.”  
  
Kyle sits up properly and stretches his arms above his head, finishing the movement off with a shrug while looking at the blond.  
  
“Neither do you.”  
  
Tweek glances towards the door leading into the house, sighs, twists his hands together and then grabs the cider bottle.  
  
“I’m just. Watching.”  
  
“... You’re babysitting Craig, aren’t you.”  
  
It’s not a question, and Kyle knows that Tweek knows it. They might not be the closest of friends, hell this is probably the first one-on-one conversation they’ve had since they were twelve, but Kyle isn’t stupid. Or blind. He’s been watching Stan’s continuous attempts to court Wendy enough to see when others are also romantically inclined. And Tweek’s got the worst case of romantic inclination Kyle has ever seen, even compared to Stan.  
  
Kyle gestures towards the front door.  
  
“Shouldn’t you be in there and _actually_ keep an eye on him since that’s why you’re here?”  
  
As Kyle speaks, Tweek's hands go from minor trembling to outright shaking and Kyle has to pry the bottle out of his grip to prevent the cider spilling. Or Tweek accidentally throwing it. One of Tweek’s hands immediately goes up into the blond mess on the top of his head, pulling at the strands, while the other gestures wildly while he talks.  
  
“C-C-Craig doesn’t want me around. Ever since _-agh-_ I came out as an a-alpha _hedoesn’ttalktomealotandwe'reneveralonetogether_.”  
  
If it wasn’t for his own tendency to talk at the speed of light when he got especially passionate about something, Kyle wouldn’t be able to follow most of the conversation. Luckily he speaks _Rushed_ fluently. He frowns at the words though. Ever since they were kids Tweek and Craig had been best friends, one was rarely seen without the other. When Craig presented as an Alpha he started being even more protective of Tweek, even more than he was with Clyde.

Up until Tweek himself presented, apparently.

“I think. He expected me to be a B-Beta. Like my _-ngh-_ parents. And now he’s. Disappointed.”  
  
“Why would he be disappointed? He’s an Alpha himself, it’s not like— Oh.”  
  
He can practically see the glow of the light bulb above his head as he realizes.  
  
Alphas dating Omegas and Betas dating Betas was the norm. Sometimes Betas went for the other dynamics, and Omega couples weren’t that uncommon either. But Alpha couples? Almost entirely unheard of. Alphas can’t get pregnant by other Alphas, something about their biology that Kyle was sure they had talked about during Sex Ed at some point but right now he couldn’t remember. It shouldn’t matter anyway, Craig and Tweek clearly liked each other a whole fucking lot.  
  
_Unless._  
  
“Does Craig want kids?”  
  
Tweek’s eyes go impossibly large as the twitchy boy stares at him, a sharp inhale being the only warning Kyle gets before the inevitable.  
  
“ _WE’RE ONLY FUCKING FIFTEEN DUDE!_ ”  
  
The screech would have worried Kyle if their drunk classmates full on screaming the lyrics to _Baby One More Time_ didn’t drown out all other noise in the neighborhood. In the back of his head Kyle wonders why no one has called in a noise complaint to the police yet.  
  
“So? If he doesn’t want kids, you guys can date. And if he does then tough for him, he’s gonna miss out on you.”  
  
“ _Wh-whosaidanythingaboutdating?_ ”  
  
Kyle takes a swig of the cider, not breaking eye contact with Tweek until the blond himself lowers his eyes. Non-typical for an Alpha, but very typical for Tweek. Well, most of the time. Kyle have seen Tweek stare down fellow Alpha’s before, said Alpha’s ending up cowering before the coffee addict before immediately running off somewhere. Five seconds later Tweek would be back to his normal, anxiously twitching self.  
  
It might also help that Kyle is still unpresented. No instincts have kicked in yet. No aggressive Alpha, no mediating Beta, no submissive Omega. Of course he’s plenty aggressive at times, but he doesn’t have the need to constantly prove himself and show off his Alpha status like certain others.  
  
He doesn’t act like fucking Cartman, is the point.  
  
Sometimes he wishes he would present as an Alpha so he could properly challenge Cartman.  
  
Then again, after hearing Tweek talk about the pressure he’s been receiving from various sources and society in general after presenting, Kyle thinks that being an Alpha just to kick Cartman’s ass might actually not be worth it.  
  
He’s confident he could still kick Cartman’s ass as a Beta.  
  
Hell, he could do it as an _Omega_.  
  
He has already done it a couple of time as unpresented. It’s not something that will change no matter what dynamic he turns out to be.  
  
Being unpresented also means no one has any particular instincts towards him. Alphas don’t try to challenge him over small things or try to make him submit during arguments (Cartman being the unwanted exception), and Omegas don’t seek comfort from him or get aggressive when he’s around their Alpha.  
  
Alright, Tweek is right, being unpresented is a good thing. Kyle is really not looking forward to having his instinct and biology trying to control his every action and how he interacts with people.  
  
“Either way you should talk to him about it. Corner him and pull that Alpha’s Alpha shit you’ve done before and he won’t be able to not talk to you.”  
  
This time the face twitches does give way to a smile, albeit a tiny one, barely there.  
  
“Alpha’s Alpha?”  
  
Kyle grins and takes another sip of the cider before handing the bottle over to Tweek, the blond now shaking less than before and able to hold the bottle without causing an incident.  
  
“Yeah dude. Like you did with Jason last week. I saw the whole thing, you were actually terrifying for a minute there. I thought he was going to shit his pants.”  
  
A snorting giggle leaves Tweek’s throat before he takes a large swig of the cider, leaving the bottle almost empty.  
  
“It definitely _-ngh-_ smelled like he did.”  
  
Kyle barely has time to cover his mouth with both hands before he’s laughing loud enough that he’s sure he can be heard from inside the house. Once he has control over himself again he reaches out, Tweek meeting him halfway with the bottle, and he finished off the cider.  
  
_Smells Like Teen Spirit_ is playing but less people are screaming the lyrics than before, the party most likely beginning to wind down finally. A quick check of his phone reveals that it’s almost two in the morning, and he has a bunch of texts from his friends. Nothing from his overprotective mother, thankfully. As far as Sheila Broflovski knows, her son is having a game night at Stan’s house.  
  
-  
  
_**11:58pm** from **SBF**_  
duuuuude red has jaeger  
  
_**11:59pm** from **SBF**_  
jaeger and redbull  
  
_**11:59pm** from **SBF**_  
DUUUUUUUDEEEE  
  
-  
  
_**12:06am** from **Orange Menace**_  
where r u i need help w stan  
  
_**12:08am** from **Orange Menace**_  
jägerbombs  
  
-  
  
_**12:27am** from **Donovan**_  
Hey man have u seen Craig??  
  
-  
  
_**12:32am** from **Orange Menace**_  
fr where tf are u  
  
_**12:33am** from **Orange Menace**_  
i kno ur not smooching someone in a dakr corner  
  
_**12:33am** from **Orange Menace**_  
and i kno ur not passed out drunk  
  
_**12:35am** from **Orange Menace**_  
check ur damn phone broflovski  
  
-  
  
_**12:40am** from **Donovan**_  
Actually have u seen Tweek????  
  
-  
  
_**12:52am** from **SBF**_  
jgrbombs ar ethe bBE ST  
  
_**12:54am** from **SBF**_  
ilove ykub man smsmsmsmsmssmm  
  
_**12:59am** from **SBF**_  
where w edny  
  
-  
  
_**1:18am** from **Fatass**_  
where are jew  
  
-  
  
_**1:26am** from **SBF**_  
found uuuuuuuuu  
  
-  
  
_**1:29am** from **Donovan**_  
Dude are you and Tweek making out??????  
  
-  
  
_**1:30am** from **Orange Menace**_  
craig’s gonna murder u  
  
-  
  
_**1:37am** from **Token**_  
I’m keeping the idiots away from the door, I know you guys aren’t doing what they think you’re doing.  
  
_**1:39am** from **Token**_  
Pls help me though.  
  
_**1:40am** from **Token**_  
Clyde found Craig.  
  
-  
  
Kyle isn’t sure if he should laugh or take a page from Tweek’s book and screech in panic. He settles on a forced deep breath.  
  
“...Hey Tweek?”  
  
“Y-yeah?”  
  
“Check your phone.”  
  
Though obviously confused at the command, Tweek does as he says. Kyle watches his face as the blond scrolls through his own sea of texts, watching him go through a myriad of expressions in a very short time before finally settling on sheer panic.  
  
“ _AW SHIT._ ”  
  
“... Yeah, that sounds about right.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Remember kids: Constructive criticism is "[This part] was bad, instead you could have written [suggestion]", it is NOT "Bluuhhhh this sucks you suck this is terrible 0/10"
> 
> Pretty much the whole thing was written on my phone, then sent to my computer and run through Open Office's spellcheck, so there's bound to be some mistakes leftover in there. If you find one, please point it out to me so I can correct it ASAP!


End file.
